AGREE OR DISAGREE?

“You’ve refused to talk to me since last night! Why?”
“Cause I am just not interested in talking to you Mr.!”

“Are you kidding me right now? You are giving me attitude because I chastised Jasmine last night right?”

“Right frank! Right! Why will you do that? He is just a kid, fine! he might have  taken the money without seeking for our permission but he needs the money and he is our son, we should provide for him”
“seriously? You showed your displeasure in his presence yesterday by yelling at me and still you are giving me attitude today! I am trying to shape his life here, he can’t be so extravagant, I work for my money…”
“So do I also work for mine! You are chocking him, cut him some slacks! Please”

“Fine! ”

What do you think about the above scenario?
I just painted a picture of parents disagreeing on the upbringing of their child, this is one of the issues in the family today. Parents disagree on things concerning the upbringing of their children which is very normal, how do they handle their displeasure is the main thing here. As a parent, it is not possible for you to agree with every decision your partner makes concerning your child/children, you can always reach a compromise with your partner and of course two good heads are better than one.

Parenting is a skill and not a talent, you learn it just like the way you learn some other things, nobody was born with parenting skills and that is more reason why you should take it easy when you feel your partner is over doing or not doing things enough. It is terribly wrong to chastise your spouse in the presence of your kids especially for your kids, you can’t be chastising your spouse for your kid’s sake. Your spouse is not less of a parent than you, regardless of you being the bread winner or not because it actually takes two to mingle.

Now here comes the interesting part, both of you as parents weren’t siblings definitely, you are from different backgrounds, different belief and different upbringing too, what might make a child grounded in “A’s” house might not make a child grounded in “B’s” house, if A and B gets married, what do you think will happen, when they start raising their children?, that is where compromise sets in again, you have to believe in the judgment of your spouse and if there is something you are not ok with, tell your spouse about it later when both of you are alone, isn’t that fair enough?...read on

The sad part of you disagreeing on your partners parenting style in the presence of your children is more than you think, let me explain

·         Your children finds you as a refuge for them whenever they go astray, they use you for cover up and even when you get to know about it, you become helpless. For example      “Paul who asked you to take that wine?” “…mom did!” without thinking too much here, “Paul” used his mother as an escape root because, he knows that she won’t want him to be beaten and even the mom will be helpless here when she gets to know about it, she will take the act as “trust” and won’t want to break it.

·         Your partner will have little or no say over the child

·         When you need help in parenting the child, your partner won’t be ready to render any because he/she wasn’t part of the upbringing initially.

·         When the child goes astray, which mostly happen, you will deal with the blame and emotional torture alone.

Finally, when you feel like you don’t like your partners parenting style at a certain time, what you have to do is simple, let me explain

·         Instead of showing your displeasure openly, you can as well be calm or better still excuse yourself.

·         You can chip in tips in a non offensive way, for example “don’t bother beating him dear, no cartoon network for two days, that will have more effect on him, what do you think?” mostly it works, you’ve just saved your child from being beaten but if it doesn’t work, don’t be hard on yourself or your partner.

·         You can talk to your partner when you are alone, for example “honey, I understand Jude can be very stubborn and what he did was very bad, it got me angry personally but I think we should take it easy on him, can you please give him back his laptop, you can make him promise never to do such act again, I think that will be better, what do you think?” communication is life, communicate with your partner.

Do have a very happy and stress free parenting.